Hello everyone!
I'm Mystery Marv and welcome back to this super groovy new edition of The Mystery Button!
It's so Marv!
Do you like that? It's something new I'm trying out.
I think it might take off. It's like "nifty" or "swag".
People will be out walking (kids still walk right?) and they'll say "Hello Steven, you look very Marv today! Is that a new bowtie?"
All of those rap singers will be talking about how Marv their ladyfriends are.
I think it'll take off like gangbusters.
People still say "gangbusters" too right?
It's kind of confusing to be honest.
My new therapist Dr. Scholls says I've gotta get with all the hip cats out there if I want to stay with it, man.
He also said I had to pay for all of our sessions for the year up front in cash.
He seems efficient.

Speaking of hip cats, mine are doing great!
Thanks for asking!
Well, you didn't ask but I could see the look on your face.
You were all like "I wonder how his cats are doing but I'm too shy to ask."
I'm happy to report that Pick has gained 2 pounds since he started eating food again. He seemed to be on some kind of kitty "water and air" diet. His hair mostly seems to be staying attached to his body now.
Boots was being a real class clown the other day. He licked the wall socket and jump about three feet in the air and did a backflip. It was really funny. He did it about four times more before vacantly stumbing over to his food dish and passing out.
I bought Sir Gigglesworth the most adorable new outfit.
Sorry, the Marv-est kitty outfit ever!
I dressed him up in a little pirate costume. I tried putting the patch over his eye, but he bit through the string.
The nice young lady who develops my pictures said it was "the most disturbing look of pure hate she had ever seen on a cat".
Classic!
Come to think of it, she seemed to have a similar look on her face when she saw me coming up to the counter.
What a kidder!
Dr. Scholls says sometimes you have to be extra nice to people for a long time to force them to like you.
According to his tattoos, Dr. Scholls did a lot of time for forcing people to like him, so I guess he knows what he's talking about.  

I have to admit, at first I felt kind of weird going to see him.
His ad in the back of that magazine I found with the naked ladies, seemed a little bit odd.
I've never visited a doctor by going through the back entrance of a building. He even has a super secret password to get in to see him.
I guess it's extra secure.
He's very nice though.
He mentioned that my new medication can't be mailed from Mexico and I will have to go and get it myself.
He gave me some balloons to put the medicine in because he says swallowing it will save space in my luggage.
Man that Dr. Scholls is really smart!
And then he told me to take off my clothes in order to get some pictures of me to send to the lab.
Not sure why the lab wanted pictures of me pouring mayonnaise on myself, but I guess that's why I'm not a doctor.

So, I guess I'll be heading off to Mexico.
I'll just need to find somebody to take care of my cats while I'm away.
Did you want to take them for a few weeks?
No?
That's cool I guess.
I've got a bunch of other people lined up so it's no big deal.
I just thought I'd give you first dibs.
Kids still stay dibs right?

Until next time, stay Marv everybody!
I really think that's gonna catch on. 
  

Hi, everybody!
Marv here with an exciting new Mystery Button.
Hope everybody had a great Canada Day!
I had a really super excellent one, thanks for asking.
It all started when Mr. Gigglesworth, my silliest of cats, woke me up by laying on my face over my nose and mouth until the lack of oxygen rousted me from my slumber.
This is his favourite way to wake me up.
Who needs an alarm, when you have a kitty clock?
His second favourite way to wake me up is to knock over my scented candles onto the bedspread while I sleep. One time he brought one all the way from across the room and dropped it on my pillow.
I always joke with Sir Gigglesworth that he gave me sideburns because he burned both sides of my face.
Hahaha!
What a prankster that kitty is!
Then I fixed myself a nice Canada Day breakfast before heading out to the park for a walk.
A mickey of scotch and a box of donuts later and we were on our way.
I can't remember much about the rest of the day to be honest.

The vet Dr. Samuels says the prolonged oxygen deprivation and excess alcohol consumption can cause severe brain damage.
The vet Dr. Samuels says the prolonged oxygen deprivation and excess alcohol consumption can cause severe brain damage.
He also suspects Sir Gigglesworth may be trying to kill me.
I think I'm gonna find a new kitty doctor.
Dr. Samuels is a nice enough fellow but he just doesn't understand my kitties like I do.
Can you believe he also says Pickles McCatCat is a nervous wreck and Col. Fuzzyboots is dumb as a stump?
He obviously doesn't know what he's talking about. All of my kitties are in excellent health. Except for Mr. Patchy. He ran away last month. I don't know know how he's doing.
I've never seen a kitty claw a tunnel through drywall like that.
I'll have to put the rolltop desk in front of it now.

Would you like to meet my cats? Maybe you could come over this weekend? 
I have some room in my schedule. 
I'll cook dinner and everything!
Just FYI. Pick sometimes get a case of the Nervous Tinkles and his hair occasionally falls out in random places. You'll have to cover your plate but you'll eventually get used to the violent sneezing.
Oh, and don't feed Boots anything from the table. He sometimes forgets to chew, so I have to pre-masticate his food like a mama bird.

Oh, you have other plans?
That's cool. Maybe some other time?
I just remembered this weekend I have a hot date with the lady with the purple hair in 2A.
She's totally into The Marv.

Ok...well.
Hope you had a great Canada Day and whatever.
Thanks for stopping by.

May your days be filled with mystery!

                                                             -Mystery Marv